One of my favorite shows of all time, “24,” returns on Monday, May 5, albeit in a shortened version of its former glory.

For the uninitiated, “24” is essentially the story of one of the most clutch government agents of all time, Jack Bauer, who stops everything from the assassination of a presidential candidate to the massive release of a toxic nerve gas and fakes his own death at least twice, as I can recall it.

Jack’s the kind of guy whose bad side you don’t want to be on, especially if you just swallowed your phone’s SIM card to conceal information that’s vital to either national security or your own personal sanity.

In honor of his (presumably) heroic return, I mashed up Jack with the current flavor of the day as far as favorite spies goes. The result, “That’s How You Get Terrorists,” puts Jack in the world of the haphazard agents of ISIS.

I’m submitting it to some of the daily T-shirt sites before it lands in my personal shops, so sit tight.